narcissist reacts when they can't control you

how does a narcissist reacts when they can’t control you: 12 shocking reactions

As a therapist, I have seen how much control means to narcissists in relationships. But what happens when that control slips? How do narcissist reacts when they can’t control you? This question shows us much about their feelings and actions, giving us insight into how these situations can affect everyone involved.

Narcissists want control, and when they can’t have it, they react strongly. They might get angry, try to manipulate, or withdraw. These reactions show how much they struggle with their image of being in charge. This need for control comes from their insecurities, the craving for attention, and the desire to feel superior.

When we understand how they act in these moments, we see how unsure and fragile they can feel inside. But it’s not just about them, this is about how their behavior affects everyone else. Trying to get back control can make things tough emotionally, strain relationships, and make others feel powerless.

Stick with me as I’m going to explain their controlling nature and how they use manipulation, force, or emotional dominance to control others. Moreover, how their reactions create tension and unease in relationships.

understand narcissist reacts when they can’t control you

When a narcissist faces a loss of control over someone, their response is often varied and can depend on the person and the circumstances. There are several typical reactions they might exhibit in such situations.

These include anger and frustration, intensified manipulation tactics, devaluing the individual, withdrawal or silent treatment, seeking alternative methods of influence, attempts to regain control through charm or force, intensifying manipulative behaviors, scapegoating or blaming, seeking retaliation or revenge, seeking external validation, adapting strategies, or ultimately, narcissist reacts when they can’t control you.

Each of these reactions represents the narcissist’s attempt to regain their sense of control and dominance in the relationship or situation where they’re encountering resistance.

Here are some common reactions:

Anger and Frustration:

When narcissists can’t control someone, they get really mad. They might shout, get aggressive, or try tricky stuff to get their control back. They use mean words, might act tough, and try to make the person feel bad for not doing what they want.

Sometimes they switch to being overly nice to confuse the person and make them agree. It’s all about them needing to be in charge and feeling powerful in the situation.

Manipulation Tactics:

Narcissists try harder to trick you. They might lie or make the person doubt themselves known as gaslighting. They also use guilt to make the person feel bad, act like they’re the ones suffering, or get others involved to influence the situation. It’s all about using emotions to make the person do what they want.

Dismissal or Devaluation:


When a narcissist can’t control, they might try to make that person feel small. They could tease or make fun of their ideas or actions, making them seem unimportant. They might also act like the person’s thoughts or needs don’t matter at all. It’s a way for them to make the person feel less valuable and keep themselves in charge.

Withdrawal or Silent Treatment:

when a narcissist can’t get their way, they might go silent or start ignoring the person. It’s like they disappear emotionally or physically, acting like the other person doesn’t matter. This silence is meant to make the person feel terrible like it’s their fault, so they’ll do what the narcissist wants to end the silence. It’s a tricky way to control someone by making them feel guilty or anxious.

Triangulation: 

Narcissist reacts when they can’t control you when tricks don’t work, then they might change their approach. They could involve other people, like friends or family, to convince the person to do what they want. They might also try different ways to persuade, like being super nice or setting up situations that indirectly push the person to comply. It’s all about finding new ways to stay in control.

They may try to pit you against others by spreading rumors or creating conflict to regain control through triangulation and drama.

Hoovering: 

If you try to distance yourself, narcissist reactions may attempt to win you back with promises, apologies, or displays of affection, only to revert to their old behavior once they regain control. They could become extra nice, try to force their opinions or manipulate situations to make sure they’re in charge again.

Intensifying Manipulative Behavior:

A narcissist reacts when they can’t control you by feeling insecure, they often step up their manipulative game. They might get smarter and more determined in trying to get what they want.

For instance, they could suddenly shower someone with compliments or affection, promising big things they might not even deliver on. This behavior, known as love bombing, aims to win that person over by making them feel really special. Essentially, they’re using these tricks to regain influence and make sure they’re the ones calling the shots again

Scapegoating or Blaming:

A narcissist reacts when they can’t control you by blaming someone else, usually the person they couldn’t control or others involved. This blame game makes the person they’re blaming look bad or responsible for everything that’s gone wrong.

It’s like a distraction, taking attention away from the fact that the narcissist couldn’t control the situation. By pointing fingers at others, they try to hide their inability to be in charge and avoid any criticism or consequences that might come their way.

Retaliation or Revenge:

In extreme cases, a narcissist reacts when they can’t control you by seeking revenge. This means they might try to hurt the person who stood up to them. They could spread lies about them or try to make others think badly of them.

Sometimes, they might even take actions to emotionally or socially harm that person. It’s a way for them to “get back” at the person for not doing what they wanted, showing how powerful they think they are.

Seeking External Validation:

A narcissist reacts when they can’t control you by asking other people for help. They’ll try to get friends, family, or even co-workers to talk to the person and convince them to agree.

It’s like they’re trying to get others to indirectly influence that person’s thoughts or decisions, making it easier for the narcissist to regain control without doing it directly. It’s a way for them to use others to get what they want.

Adaptation or Pivoting Strategies:

When a narcissist can’t control someone directly, they might change how they do things. They’ll switch up their methods, being sneaky or less obvious to get what they want. This could mean they change how they behave or the tricks they use to slowly get back in charge

It’s like they’re being clever when narcissist reacts when they can’t control you by trying new ways without making it obvious. By adjusting their strategies, they hope to eventually get the person to do what they want without them noticing.

Indifference or Disengagement:

When a narcissist tries again and again to control someone but it doesn’t work, they might stop caring altogether. They could act like they don’t care about that person anymore, either emotionally or by keeping their distance physically.

It’s like they decide that the person isn’t important enough for them to bother trying to control them anymore. They believe it’s not worth their time or effort to keep trying when they’re not getting what they want. Essentially, they pull away because they think the person isn’t worth their attention.

Remember:

Keep in mind a narcissist reacts when they can’t control you depending on the situation and various personality traits. it’s not common in every narcissistic personality disorder. Signs of a narcissist losing control can vary greatly depending on individual personality and the specific situation.

It’s also important to note that If you are in a relationship with a narcissist and are concerned about their reactions, it’s important to seek professional help or support from a trusted friend or family member.

Impact of Losing Control: Psychological Effects

On the Narcissist:

  • Loss of Self-Image: When a narcissist loses control, it hurts how they see themselves. They might feel like they’ve failed, which doesn’t match how they want to see themselves as better than everyone else.
  • Heightened Insecurity: The loss of control triggers deep-seated insecurities, intensifying feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability. This can lead to increased anxiety or depression.
  • Defensive Reactions: To protect their fragile self-esteem, they might intensify manipulative behaviors or exhibit more aggression, trying to regain lost control.

On the Individual No Longer Under Control:

  • Mixed Emotions: Initially, the individual might feel free from the narcissist’s influence, experiencing a sense of freedom or relief.
  • Fear of Retaliation: However, when someone stands up to a narcissist, they might worry about what the narcissist might do in return. They’re scared because they don’t know how the narcissist will react when they feel like they’re losing control.
  • Emotional Turmoil: finally, when they break free from a narcissist, they might feel strong because they stood up for themselves. But at the same time, they’re worried about what might happen next, which can make them feel stressed and upset.

Knowing about these feelings on how a narcissist reacts when they can’t control you helps in understanding the complicated emotions that happen when control changes in relationships where one person has a big ego and wants to control everything.

tips for dealing with narcissist reactions

When a narcissist experiences a loss of control, managing the situation can be challenging. Here are some expert tips to handle such scenarios:

  • Set clear boundaries: Communicate your needs and expectations clearly and consistently. Don’t be afraid to say no or walk away if necessary.
  • Maintain your support system: Surround yourself with positive and supportive people who can provide emotional validation and encouragement.
  • Focus on your well-being: Prioritize your own mental and emotional health. This might involve seeking therapy, practicing self-care, or engaging in activities you enjoy.
  • Remember, you are not alone: There are many resources available to help you cope with a narcissistic relationship. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you need it.

Above all, concerning how a narcissist reacts when they can’t control you: The most important thing is to focus on staying safe and taking care of yourself when dealing with a narcissistic person. Seeking help from professionals and leaning on supportive people around you is important. Make sure to set clear and healthy limits to shield yourself from their manipulative actions and any harm they might cause.

concluding how a narcissist reacts when they can’t control you

Understanding how a narcissist reacts when they can’t control you is crucial for dealing with them. As a therapist, I’ve witnessed the pain caused by their actions. These behaviors show how tricky and complex their attempts to maintain control, often hurting relationships and leaving people feeling manipulated. Recognizing and addressing these controlling tendencies is vital for building healthier connections and handling the challenges exhibited by narcissistic behavior in relationships.

read more: how to stop being narcissistic

References

  • American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.).
  • Raskin, R. P., & Terry, H. N. (1988). Narcissistic Personality Inventory: Psychometric properties and construction procedures. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 54(5), 890–902.
  • Greenberg, E. (2015). The Narcissistic Personality Disorder: An Outline. Routledge.
  • McBride, K. (2015). Will I Ever Be Free of You?: How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist. Atria Books.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How does a narcissist act when they can’t control you?

A: When a narcissist faces loss of control, they might react with anger, intensified manipulation, withdrawal, blame-shifting, or seeking alternative tactics to regain dominance.

When a narcissist realizes you can’t be controlled, what happens?

A: Once a narcissist realizes they can’t control someone, they might display frustration, become dismissive, or intensify manipulative behaviors in attempts to regain influence.

What happens when you stand up to a narcissist?

A: Standing up to a narcissist might lead to various reactions such as anger, manipulation, belittling, or withdrawal because they try to regain control over you.

How does the narcissist react when they realize you no longer care?

A: If a narcissist realizes you no longer care, they might exhibit disinterest or withdrawal, feeling that they’re losing influence over you.

What are common signs of narcissistic behavior?

A: Signs include a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for excessive admiration, a lack of empathy, and using others for personal gain.

How can I handle a relationship with a narcissist effectively?

A: Setting boundaries, seeking support, prioritizing self-care, and considering therapy or counseling can help handle relationships with narcissists.

Why do narcissists react negatively when they can’t control someone?

A: Narcissists seek control to maintain their self-image and superiority. Facing resistance triggers reactions aimed at regaining dominance.

Can narcissistic behavior be changed or managed?

A: While change is challenging, some may benefit from therapy focused on empathy-building and addressing underlying issues.

How do I protect myself from the impact of narcissistic behavior?

A: Establishing clear boundaries, focusing on self-care, seeking therapy, and learning effective communication skills can help mitigate negative effects.

How does narcissistic behavior affect relationships?

A: Narcissistic behavior often leads to strained relationships due to manipulation, lack of empathy, and a focus on control, causing emotional distress and discord.

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