Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do

20 Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do

Covert narcissists are masters of disguise. They can hide their true nature from others for a long time, making it hard to spot their toxic behaviour. Here are 20 weird things covert narcissists do that you should watch out for:

Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do

Covert narcissists are a different type of narcissist who use subtle and sneaky ways to manipulate others. Unlike overt narcissists, who openly show off their arrogance and lack of empathy, covert narcissists hide behind a mask of fake humility and charm.

Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do

In this narcissism self-awareness blog, we’ll look at the strange habits and behaviours of covert narcissists, revealing how they manipulate people and the harm they can cause. By understanding these behaviours, you can better protect yourself and set healthy boundaries.

1. They Act Insecure and Self-Deprecating

Covert narcissists often appear insecure and put themselves down to gain sympathy and attention from others.

For example, they might frequently say things like, “I’m not as smart as you,” or “I could never be as successful as you.” They do this to receive reassurance and compliments. They may also constantly compare themselves to their friends or coworkers to make themselves look better.

2. They Blame Others for Their Mistakes

Covert narcissists believe they are always right and superior to everyone else. However, they never take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they blame others for their failures and mistakes.

For instance, if a project at work fails, they might say, “It’s not my fault; the team didn’t do their job properly,” even if they were the ones who made a mistake.

3. They Gaslight You

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse used by covert narcissists to make you doubt your own reality. They might tell you something blatantly untrue, like, “I never said that,” even when you clearly remember them saying it. Over time, this can make you question your own memory and perception of events.

READ: 4 Key Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

4. They Are Hypersensitive to Criticism

Covert narcissists have fragile egos and cannot handle even the slightest criticism.

For example, if you point out a mistake they made at work, they might react angrily and accuse you of being unfair or overly harsh. They might also hold a grudge for a long time after being criticized.

5. They Constantly Seek Validation

Covert narcissists need constant praise and admiration to feel good about themselves. They might fish for compliments by saying, “I don’t think I did a good job on this,” just to get you to reassure them. They crave validation and will often put themselves down to get it.

6. They Withhold Affection and Love

When you don’t give them the attention and validation they crave, covert narcissists may punish you by withdrawing their affection and love.

For example, Narcissist Games and Manipulative Tactics can become out of control and they become distant and cold, ignoring your calls or messages, to make you feel guilty or desperate for their approval.

READ: How Narcissists Treat Their Exes: 10 Toxic Behaviors to Watch Out For

7. They Triangulate You

Flying Monkey Narcissistic often pit people against each other to maintain control.

For instance, they might compare you to their ex or a friend, saying things like, “You’re not as understanding as my friend,” to make you feel insecure. They might also share private information about you with others to make you look bad.

8. They Gaslight You About Your Feelings

Covert narcissists often dismiss your feelings as irrational or overreacting.

For example, if you tell them that something they said hurt you, they might respond with, “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” This tactic is meant to invalidate your emotions and make you doubt yourself.

READ: Fragile Narcissism: 10 Alarming Traits

9. They Sabotage Your Relationships

Covert narcissists may try to isolate you from your friends and family by spreading rumors about you or making you feel guilty for spending time with them.

For instance, they might say, “Your friends don’t really care about you like I do,” to make you rely more on them and less on your other relationships.

10. They Exploit Your Weaknesses

Covert narcissists are experts at identifying your insecurities and using them against you.

For example, if you’re self-conscious about your appearance, they might make subtle comments like, “Are you sure you want to wear that?” to undermine your confidence.

11. They Gaslight You About Your Memories

Covert narcissists may deny or twist your memories to make you question your own reality.

For instance, if you bring up something hurtful they did, they might say, “That never happened,” or “You’re remembering it wrong,” even when you know it’s true. This is a way to make you doubt your own mind.

12. They Triangulate You with Your Children

If you have children, covert narcissists may try to turn them against you by making you look like the bad parent.

For example, they might tell the kids, “Mommy/Daddy is too strict because they don’t love you as much as I do,” to create division and make themselves look better in the children’s eyes.

13. They Exploit Your Empathy

Covert narcissists know that you want to help them and make them feel better. They might use this against you by playing the victim or acting helpless to get you to do what they want.

For instance, they might say, “I’m so lost without you,” or “I need you to help me with this because I can’t do it alone,” to manipulate you into doing things for them.

14. They Gaslight You About Your Accomplishments

Covert narcissists may downplay or dismiss your achievements to make themselves feel better.

For example, if you get a promotion at work, they might say, “It’s no big deal; anyone could have done that,” to make your success seem less important and to keep you from feeling good about yourself.

15. They Triangulate You with Your Friends

Covert narcissists may try to turn your friends against you by spreading rumours or making them feel like you’re a bad friend.

For instance, they might say, “I don’t think they care about you,” or “They’re just using you,” to make you doubt your friendships and become more reliant on them.

16. They Gaslight You About Your Boundaries

Covert narcissists often ignore or cross your boundaries without remorse. If you try to stand up for yourself, they might tell you, “You’re being unreasonable,” or “You’re overreacting,” to make you feel guilty for trying to protect yourself. This is a way for them to maintain control and keep you from setting limits on their behavior.

17. They Gaslight You About Your Needs

Covert narcissists often dismiss or ignore your needs in favor of their own.

For example, if you express a need for more time alone, they might say, “You’re being selfish,” or “Your needs don’t matter,” to make you feel guilty for wanting something that doesn’t benefit them directly.

18. They Gaslight You About Your Values

Covert narcissists may try to undermine your values and beliefs to make you feel like you’re wrong or crazy.

For instance, if you hold strong moral beliefs, they might mock you or say things like, “Your values are outdated,” or “You’re too idealistic,” to make you question your principles and feel insecure.

READ: 20 Female Narcissist Traits: Understanding the Signs

19. They Gaslight You About Your Boundaries

Covert narcissists often ignore or cross your boundaries without remorse. If you try to stand up for yourself, they might tell you that you’re being unreasonable or that you’re overreacting.

For example, if you ask them to stop doing something that makes you uncomfortable, they might say, “You’re just too sensitive,” to make you feel guilty for setting boundaries.

READ: The Dark Side of Narcissist Social Media: What You’re Not Seeing

20. They Gaslight You About Your Needs

Covert narcissists often dismiss or ignore your needs in favour of their own. If you try to express your needs, they might tell you that you’re being selfish or that your needs don’t matter.

For instance, if you ask for more emotional support, they might say, “You’re too needy,” or “I have my problems,” to make you feel guilty for asking for what you need.

READ: How to help a narcissist heal

Dealing with Covert Narcissists

If you find yourself in a relationship with a covert narcissist, it’s important to set clear boundaries and prioritize your own well-being. Here are some strategies to help you cope:

  1. Recognize the manipulation tactics: Educate yourself about the common behaviors of covert narcissists, such as gaslighting, passive-aggression, and emotional manipulation. This awareness can help you identify their tactics and not fall victim to their manipulations.
  2. Communicate assertively: When a covert narcissist crosses your boundaries, communicate your feelings assertively without attacking them directly. Use “I” statements to express how their behavior makes you feel.
  3. Validate your own reality: If a covert narcissist tries to gaslight you, remind yourself of the facts and trust your judgment. Keep a journal to document their behavior and your experiences.
  4. Manage your expectations: Adjust your expectations of the covert narcissist and accept that they may never change or acknowledge their behavior. Focus on what you can control, which is your response and boundaries.
  5. Seek support: Surround yourself with a strong support system of friends and family who can validate your experiences and provide emotional support. Consider seeking therapy to help you process the impact of the relationship and develop healthy coping strategies.

READ: 10 Expert Tips: Dealing with Altruistic Narcissist Boss

Conclusion

Dealing with weird things covert narcissists do can be emotionally draining and challenging. It’s essential to prioritize your own well-being and set boundaries that protect you from their manipulative tactics. With self-awareness, assertiveness, and support, you can handle these relationships and minimize their harmful impact on your life.

READ: How does a narcissist reacts when they can’t control you: 12 shocking reactions

FAQs On weird things covert narcissists do

How can I tell if someone I know is a covert narcissist?

You might notice them acting insecure, seeking constant validation, or blaming others for their mistakes while avoiding responsibility.

What are some effective ways to deal with a covert narcissist?

Set clear boundaries, trust your instincts, and limit your interactions. Seeking support from friends or a therapist can also help.

How do covert narcissists differ from overt narcissists?

Covert narcissists hide their arrogance behind insecurity, while overt narcissists are openly boastful and attention-seeking.

Can covert narcissists change with therapy or medication?

With the right therapy, some covert narcissists may improve, but real change is difficult and requires their genuine willingness.

What are some common phrases used by covert narcissists?

They might say things like, “You’re too sensitive,” or “I never said that,” to manipulate and control the situation.

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